Monday, January 11, 2010

The Bachelor: Your Plane Just Scandaled

It's time for the Bachelor again! It started last week, of course, but one week is not enough drama for me to inspire a recap post. I mean, come on...only two hours of the worst, cheesiest pick-up lines ever being recited? Yea right...not nearly enough.

So, this year the bachelor is Jake.

And, I mean, I am the first to admit that he is one of the most attractive people...ever. I loved his face on the bachelorette last season, and it hasn't changed--it's still undeniably gorgeous. And, if we never had to could slap a wedding dress on me right now--I'm yours, Jake. But talking? Pfft. No way. Jake is an attractive, plane flying, motorcycle riding, rockhardabs having, ridiculously boring human. But, since all of these girls "love him and know he is their soulmate" before even talking to him, that point is apparently moot.

So moving on.

My pick is Ali. I said it last week, and it's still true this week, but I think Ali will win. She's the most down-to-earth, most real, least barbie blonde of the entire group. She's sweet, like she could be your sister.

I also like Corrie and Tenley...but their pictures are unimportant because they won't win. Corrie is pretty, and Tenley is honest...but Tenley is also kind of like dating a 10 year old. Ali will win.

But that doesn't mean we should ignore the other drama filled chicks...

Like Michelle, for instance. Michelle is insane. Literally, certifiably insane. I'm fairly certain Jake is keeping her around only because he's afraid of her...or because the producers are nagging him too. After the show ends, she will be arrested for stalking Jake. You just wait.

Then we have Rozlyn. Or, rather, we don't...because she slept with a crew member and was kicked off the show. I guess she really was ready for love...she just couldn't wait!

Mostly, I'm interested in what happens with Elizabeth. Elizabeth is very forward, annoyingly so, and her jeans are too tight to fit a 4X6 folded piece of paper into. And, she told Jake she doesn't want him to kiss her. And then he gave her a rose.

My main assumption is that she will ditch this request week and kiss him. And then he will be all "well if you can't follow your own rule then why should I trust you" and eventually get rid of her. Or she will keep the rule, and he will be all "well I never got to kiss you and see if we were intimately connected" and get rid of her.

Either way, I expect she'll make a scene. And possibly beat another girl up.

Sleep on it for a week ;)

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