A Word About Passion

This is going to be one of those actual "writing" posts. I know, crazy. Not even a picture.

I was thinking about passion this week. In the two weeks of break from my summer classes and my fall classes, I read a couple books. I chose both for specific reasons, none of which were really important, and finished them fairly quickly. But, when I was done, I came to a horrible realization: I don't know if I liked them or not. Somewhere in the past couple years, I basically lost the ability to tell whether I enjoyed what I was reading or not. How do I not know if I like it? And if I don't know, who the hell does? I could easily point out the things about the books that I didn't like, but that didn't mean to me that I didn't like the book as a whole. I live a lot of my life in the grey matter. It was good, but it was also bad. Neither means I did or didn't like the book.

This got me thinking along the lines of likes and dislikes. Plus, with my extra time this week, I was able to submit some writing pieces to various publications, do some painting, and even do some drawing. All of which I like to do. Then I realized: I don't have a passion for all of those. I like to do a lot of things. But...who was it that said this?..."I can do anything I want to do, but I can't do everything I want to do." If you say you have passion for many things equally, then you spend little time on each and never spend enough time on any to make them effective. There has to be some kind of focus. One or two things that hold your passion, and not just your enjoyment.

I do a lot of things I don't like to do. Everyone does--I'm not some ultra-sacrificing woman, no one can do what they want to do all the time. I don't like doing laundry. I don't like cleaning the bathroom. I'm not a big fan of dishes. But we all have to do them. That's fine. But, I think a lot of time we get lost in doing things we "should" be doing and forget to do things we "want" to do--things we have a passion for.

And therein lies the question: what is your passion? I like to draw and to paint, but not for long periods of time. I like to bike and kayak, but often I find myself forcing it. I like to write, but many times my brain prefers to focus on 928392 other things while I'm writing and that's makes the process frustrating. So, what do I love to do?

I don't know. It seems like an easy question. I mean, it's me...no one knows me better than me...this shouldn't be difficult. But, I do know that there are a few things that I'm waiting for right now that may point to my passion. I'm waiting for our PCS date, so that I know when I'm going to be on the other side of the country. So I can call the RedCross there and set up disaster relief training. And I know that if I hadn't ever started dating B, I'd be getting my assignment for the Peace Corps next year. But, does that mean that because my life with B took a higher priority than my Peace Corps plan that my dream--my passion--is lost? No. It just means that I have to look for my passion in other things. And that's okay.

As long as I'm passionate ;)