Saturday, November 7, 2009

Because You Said So

So, this is going to be one of those times where I get whiney about B. Where I sound controlling, girly, and selfish. And even though I'll probably be over it tomorrow, I'm going to complain about it tonight.

Last week was mine and B's anniversary. It was Sunday. B requested on Friday that we not do anything on Sunday because he has PT on Monday morning. We never stay out past 1130, and when I have to get up at 5 I'm still out with him until 11 but...whatever, that's not what this is about.

So I said fine, and we made a plan on doing something the following Saturday instead. So we go out tonight, and B had told me earlier in the week that we'd go downtown to the river and eat and then go on a carriage ride. We get downtown, park, and walk to the river to find somewhere to eat. We try to decided where to eat and B says "Let's see how much the carriage ride is going to cost first" Okay, cool. So I say "How do we do that?" He goes "I don't know. I thought you knew."

Why the hell would I know that?

I even though to myself earlier this week, 'maybe I should look and see where these rides are' and then I decided 'nah, it's his plan, he'll know.' So we ate and went home (because what were we supposed to do? walk around downtown just hoping to run into a carriage? we'd have a better chance of becoming homicide victims than finding the carriages).

Not that this is about not getting a carriage ride because, even though the weather tonight was 100% perfect for a carriage ride and it would have been awesome, it's not about the carriage ride. It's also not about the fact that it was our anniversary, because honestly I don't think it's really that necessary to make a big stinking deal about an anniversary. It could have been a Tuesday for all that matters to me. It's about the fact that this was HIS idea, but he didn't figure it out on his own.

In our entire relationship, B has had to plan two things on his own: the proposal, and this night. B's idea of a memorable proposal is on my driveway at midnight with no one around, with nothing else going on cutsie or lovey or anything. Which is why I've never written about it. I love him, so of course the kind of proposal would never change my answer, but it's not a story I'm particularly excited to tell. On our wedding website, the "Our Proposal Story" section is still blank. It's the only part not filled out, because I can't bring myself to write it. I don't know how to not make it sound lame. Because there was nothing special about it.

I hate being the one to always plan everything for us. But I also hate when nothing is planned--which seems to be the only other option to me planning things. I want to know that I can trust him to figure things like this out. To do things that I don't have to tell him to do. But I also want to be able to have a conversation with him about this stuff, and not have him just "fix it" by doing what he should have done in the first place.

In fact, I don't even want to take the damn carriage ride now--I don't want to have to 'make up' for it. The only way he could redeem himself with the carriage ride would be to show up at my door with a carriage, in a funny outfit--which is completely ridiculous, and I would never expect him to do that.

I'm sure I sound ridiculous and whiney, but I really can't help it. At least not tonight.

I just want him to take initiative sometimes.


SarahEileen said...

Girl, I SO understand. I've got a non-planner, too. I'm sure I haven't helped cause I tend to be a control freak and like doing the planning, but it would be nice to relinquish control every once in awhile.

Hannah Noel said...

I TOTALLY understand chica!!!!
You are so not alone in this, lol. Mr. AF was great about planning the first date, proposal, and wedding night, but every other special occasion he kinda flukes on it. Is fluke a word?
I love him anyways, lol, but sometimes it drives me insane. Especially when I tell him EXACTLY what I want, making it easy as pie for him, but he does something else instead. *sigh*